When I was pregnant with O I always pictured myself going back to work. I honestly thought after 10 months at home I’d be ready to go back. What I didn’t account for was quite how much I’d love the whole mummy thing. I loved the baby classes and meeting up with friends and being the main carer for my little boy.
I returned to work a week before the summer holidays and it was actually quite fun. It was our schools activity week and as I’d not been there most of the year, no one had thought to really give me a role so I got to float around for a week, catching up with friends, having a brew in peace and as it was the last week I was home each day for just after half 3.
The reality of being back full time in September soon hit hard and by Christmas I felt like I was cracking up. I honestly felt like a crap mum, wife and teacher and something had to give. After several conversations with hubby we decided I would go down to 4 days a week from the following September. This carrot helped me get through the remainder of the school year.
I know I’m lucky to get the holidays I do and if I really have to I can leave work at 3:15, but as any working mum knows the juggling act is hard to keep up. The rush in the morning to get everyone out and dropped off in the right place is hard work enough, so you’re exhausted before the day had properly begun.
Today was one of those days when I hated the fact I’m a working mum. Hubby was away with work last night and Little O wasn’t very well when I picked him up from nursery yesterday. As I got him home he was very hot, very clingy and crying. O is not a crier, never has been, so if he’s crying something is wrong!
After lots of cuddles on the couch he fell asleep and I took him to bed, not before stripping him down to his pants to help cool him down. It was a long night with O waking every couple of hours crying wanting to sleep on my chest so he could be close. Exactly how he used to sleep as a newborn.
We managed a couple of hours sleep and as morning came I had to get ready for work. A new policy brought in last year from my workplace means having time off because of children is no longer allowed so phoning in work wasn’t an option. On a Wednesday he goes to my mum so I knew he would be very well looked after but I did have to leave him in bed to get myself ready.
As I brushed my teeth I could hear him constantly asking for “my mummy”. I brought him with me whilst I got dressed and he clung to my leg, wanting my full attention. As I took him to get dressed he repeatedly asked “mummy sit down, mummy sit down too” and it broke my heart. I wanted to scoop him up and take him back to bed for big cuddles but I had to leave for work in about 5 minutes to avoid being late. When there’s a class of kids sat in a room without a teacher it’s fairly obvious you’re not there! Tears welled up as we packed his bag to take to my mums.
Today was horrible as all I could think about was my little man but I was out the door at 2:55 and back with him for 3:20 for lots of cuddles and kisses. He’s better but still not 100% and at least tomorrow if he tells me to “sit down too” I’ve got no reason to have to say no, it’s our mummy and son day of the week. Work will not be interfering with that!