I shouldn’t really be writing this, I should be busy lesson planning and report writing and exam marking but I am writing it so here goes.
Work has been a bit crazy of late. The summer term always is with end of year tests and reports and this year we have the added bonus of a peer to peer review (a fancy name for a fake Ofsted inpection by other local heads). A Mocksted, if you like.
At a time of year when everyone is exhausted, busy, stressed and with the knowledge that this date was handpicked by our head it has felt like a huge kick in the teeth. Thanks for all you hard work but you need to work
that little bit a lot harder. In all honesty, if I didn’t have a mortgage to pay I think I would have walked last week as there is only so much that I can give and when it starts to affect my home life it makes me feel very uncomfortable.
My husband has noticed the difference in me the past couple of weeks. I’m usually quite good at shaking off work when I get home, but at the moment I can’t. When I was writing reports at 1:30 am on Monday morning because I couldn’t sleep I knew I’d reached my limit.
I’m generally quite a patient person, especially with the kids I teach. I sometimes worry I show them more patience that I do my own son. I try to always keep a calm and semi-relaxed atmosphere in my classroom but I have been snappy and the pupils have picked up on that vibe. Saying that, the girl who thought it was acceptable to put her eye make up on in the middle of my lesson probably deserved my rant.
But my little boy doesn’t deserve a mum who is grumpy and stressed out. He doesn’t need a mum who is rushing through his bedtime story to get back downstairs to her laptop and in doing that it has made me sad. Why am I trying to give the best of myself to a job where your best will never be good enough?
I was talking about this to a teacher friend of mine yesterday and she helped to put things into a little bit of perspective. O won’t remember that I was grumpy, he won’t hold a grudge against me for not reading the second story. It is me who feels it a lot worse than he does.
So why do I stay in my job? I stay so that we can afford to give my boy a lovely life. I stay so we can book trips to Disneyland and holidays to Turkey. He would still be a happy little boy without these things but it’s nice to have a few treats to look forward to.
Sometimes it takes having a chat with someone to see things a bit more clearly. Yes, right now is too hectic for my liking, but it will soon be over. In just over three weeks school is over and I get six wonderful weeks at home with my beautiful boy, and all this will be in the past.
He will be the one to get the best of me.