Taking Back Control

I’ve been with my husband since I was 16. He knows me better than anyone else in the world, better than at times I know myself, which can drive me a little crazy at times. I like to think I’m quite a laid back person but I do have moments when I get stressed, who doesn’t? Last year my husband pointed out that I only really get panicked when I feel that circumstances are out of my control, and although I’d never thought of it that way he was exactly right. The past few months have felt very much out of my control and as a consequence I have felt out of sorts for quite a while now.

I’ve been sad, and I’m not a sad person. This blog has felt like a bit of a sad place as it’s been my outlet to get things off my chest. I’ve spent too long sat on the couch, drinking wine, comfort eating and it’s started to take it’s toll.

Over the weekend, I took the ultimate test to see how much I’d started to let myself go, I tried on my wedding dress. This was THE dress, the one that made me cry when I first tried it on. The one that made me feel the most beautiful I have ever felt in my life back in December 2009. I knew it was going to be too tight but I was horrified that it wasn’t even close to doing up.

I knew the weight had been creeping on but not to that extent and the scales and tape measure confirmed it.

Enough is enough. It’s time to take back control and start to focus on the future. I don’t want to be sad anymore and I want O to have a mum that he is proud of. I can’t live my life anymore in baby limbo, putting things off, just in case.

It’s time to decorate the spare room and stop saving it for a nursery. The baby bits and bobs that are littered around the house need to be put in the attic. I’m not ready to get rid of them yet, I still have hope, but I don’t need them staring me in the face any longer.

I need to find me again. It feels like for the past two and a half years I’ve been the girl who’s struggling to have a baby and I’m so much more than that. I want to lose the extra weight I’m carrying and to help with that I’ve signed up for a half marathon in September. I’m not a natural long distance runner but I want a challenge. I want to have date nights with my husband, days out with my family and I want to laugh again. It feels like so long since we laughed together.

And hopefully, by the time September comes I’ll be able to fit back into my gorgeous dress and be as happy as I was on that amazing winters day.


Let's Talk Mommy


  1. April 7, 2015 / 8:43 pm

    Your dress looks and sounds beautiful. They always say that things happen when you’re least expecting them. Take back control, find a happy place again and who knows what might happen. Sending love x

    • April 7, 2015 / 8:45 pm

      I think that’s what I’m hoping. My focusing on something else and not letting it be so all consuming, it can only be a good thing xx

  2. April 8, 2015 / 6:31 am

    I’m sorry life has been tough for you lately, I totally empathise with feeling stuck in a rut and needing to break out and make changes. I read something interesting the other day about doing this which has helped me. It said in order to make changes we need to focus on the journey and not the end result. Running in a marathon or trying to fit in a dress can be really positive but creating big goals can leave us feel overwhelmed, and once we reach them, feeling like ‘what’s next?’. We have a tendency to then slip into our old habits or struggle to maintain what we’ve achieved. I’ve started to focus on the journey in my own struggles; to feel good at the little steps; to enjoy the ride; to live in the moment, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m trying to stop thinking ‘when this happens, THEN I’ll be happy’ because I rarely am. I hope you can have fun on your journey and I look forward to your updates! Good luck with the marathon! 🙂
    Mother Diaries recently posted…What does it take to have a positive birth?My Profile

    • April 9, 2015 / 6:47 am

      Thanks for your comment, I’ve never really thought of it that way but you’re exactly right. I promise I’ll try to focus on the steps and not the end result xx
      Not A Frumpy Mum recently posted…Taking Back ControlMy Profile

  3. Potty Mouthed Mummy
    April 8, 2015 / 7:23 am

    I don’t think I’ve fit into my wedding dress since the year I wore it, but I feel the same. I want to stop making excuses and be healthy again. And drink far less. My Instagram seems a constant stream of drink in hand. Sounds like good plans lovely and I totally get the stress of being out of control. When I’m in a bad place, sorting, cleaning and clearing always helps xxx
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    • April 9, 2015 / 6:48 am

      Haha, I always worry my Instagram is just a stream of glasses of Prosecco. And the only time I ever get the sudden urge to clean is when my husband is driving me mad. xx
      Not A Frumpy Mum recently posted…Taking Back ControlMy Profile

  4. April 8, 2015 / 9:52 am

    Good luck Jo! A half marathon is a wonderful goal and I personally find that spring is the best time to train outside. Which race are you going to enter?
    P.s I’m sorry to hear that you have had a tough time & I can relate to your situation myself. (I am still very hopeful too, team perseverance!)

    Adrienne xx

    • April 9, 2015 / 6:50 am

      I’m doing the Warrington Half Marathon, not exactly a glamourous event but it was in the right time scale I wanted.
      I’m always sad to hear other people going through the same thing, I know how tough it is. Good luck to you lovely xxx
      Not A Frumpy Mum recently posted…Taking Back ControlMy Profile

  5. Lisa (mummascribbles)
    April 8, 2015 / 2:44 pm

    I think a lot of the time we have to have something to focus on to stop everything else from getting on top of us. I’m sorry you have been having a tough time but I hope this new focus helps you and you just never know…if you stop thinking about something too much, you never know what may happen. Good luck on your half marathon training! #sharewithme
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    • April 9, 2015 / 6:51 am

      Thanks, I think I’m going to need it and it really does help having something else to focus on xx
      Not A Frumpy Mum recently posted…Taking Back ControlMy Profile

  6. April 8, 2015 / 2:48 pm

    I’m so pleased you’ve made this mental decision Jo. A huge well done to you. Sitting around waiting for things to happen unfortunately doesn’t get us what we want. It’s usually when we take control and stop feeling sorry for ourselves that the universe shifts for us again. Having a goal like a marathon to run is a great way to keep you motivated. You’ll be back in that dress again soon and who knows…because you’ll be healthier and more positive and not worrying about what isn’t happening…that’s when it might just happen. Don’t put your life on hold anymore though, decorate the spare room, get fit, go on dates and live your life to the max, it will make you feel amazing. xx
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  7. April 8, 2015 / 3:43 pm

    Good for you for making a decision and taking back control hon. Its gotta be hard and I still really, really, hope that it happens for you but I can understand that you want to enjoy what you have in the meantime. people do say when you stop trying it can happen so who knows! Xx
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  8. April 8, 2015 / 4:04 pm

    That’s such a brave and positive step Jo, and a half marathon is a fab thing to work towards. I know others have said it, but I do think there is something to be said for taking the pressure off and things then happening, I have seen it happen for others and I truly hope that it’s the case for you. But, in the meantime I think you are doing absolutely the right thing. Thinking of you lovely x
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  9. April 8, 2015 / 5:42 pm

    Sounds like a brilliant plan Jo, and hopefully taking back control and focusing on the marathon will have a positive effect elsewhere. Hugs xx
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  10. April 8, 2015 / 7:14 pm

    So sorry to hear you have been feeling this way but good on you for taking this first step. Focus on you, lose the weight you want and definitely never ever give up hope xxx
    Katy {What Katy Said} recently posted…Tuff Spot Ideas – PlaydoughMy Profile

  11. Notmyyearoff
    April 9, 2015 / 7:37 am

    I hope the next few months are bloody fantastic for you as you really really deserve it. I am now imagining you doing the marathon in your wedding dress, too much? 😉 I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t fit into mine evern after two marathons!!!

  12. Cherry
    April 9, 2015 / 8:35 am

    Read your page & I can advise you a experience of mine which actually worked and gave good results. Try not to show anxiety ” you know it ” when you face such situations breathe in breathe out smile and then confidently act. I am sure your husband will be surprised, this is a psychological mind game which plays its part best. I hope it helps you and you stay happy. 🙂

  13. Merlinda Little ( @pixiedusk)
    April 9, 2015 / 9:15 am

    I was crying while reading this because I can totally relate. I started doing exercising and was crying ( I haveen crying a lot lately) because in 3 weeks I do not feel any changes in my body. But I wont stop exercising, I cant stop because it keeps me sane and gives me hope. Good luck to the both of us. #sharewithme
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  14. Ting at My Travel Monkey
    April 9, 2015 / 11:53 am

    Good for you making the decision to take your life back in your hands. Your dress is beautiful and I am sure you will be able to get put it on again with ease soon enough. I bet you feel like a little cloud has lifted now you’ve taken the mental shift. Good luck lovely #Sharewithme xx
    Ting at My Travel Monkey recently posted…Holiday Snapshots #27 HawaiiMy Profile

  15. April 9, 2015 / 1:13 pm

    Good luck, sounds very positive, and I think having a goal like the half marathon will help spur you on. Sorry you’ve had to go through the tough times to get to this point, though x
    The Reading Residence recently posted…Thomasland Has Got Bigger & Better!My Profile

  16. April 9, 2015 / 7:19 pm

    I’m sorry to read you have been feeling so sad. Things can sometimes get on top of us and kind if take over our lives. I sometimes get into a slump that I find hard to shake off and it bugs me that I feel like that.

    I signed up to a 10k as I needed something to focus on and running gave be done me time and let me take control of my body, if that makes sense.

    Things happen when we least expect it – put your mind to something else and it may be just around the corner xx
    Something Crunchy Mummy recently posted…Precious Parent In Laws and Beach DaysMy Profile

  17. Beth Twinderelmo
    April 10, 2015 / 9:05 am

    Your dress is so pretty. Living in limbo is a very hard place to be. I hope taking a bit of control back helps you get your smile back xxxxxxxx
    Beth Twinderelmo recently posted…Bluestone Wales Family HolidayMy Profile

  18. Jenny
    April 10, 2015 / 7:17 pm

    Oh hunny I just high fived you and cried with this post. You are so amazingly strong to share your journey and feelings here and I hope that it has helped you in any way. I am sad that you have been sad and it makes me want to come scoop you up and hug you. Let’s get to bents (not the cafe though) that wouldn’t help our waistlines. I think it’s a great idea to move things into the loft and not have it pressuring you. I think when you move forward life will fall into place and you will find happiness again. I know trying for years for a baby for my bff really took over her life. I think it’s healthy to focus it on other things and take a step back to take a step forward if that makes sense. You are amazing!!! Remember that much!!! Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. Have a great weekend. #sharewithme
    Jenny recently posted…Clean eating, swim towels and a new firepit #littlelovesMy Profile

  19. Louise @ Birds and Lilies
    April 11, 2015 / 9:19 pm

    I’m so sorry you are going through such a hard time. I think it is so hard to keep on living your life and trying to stay happy and positive when you are so desperate for baby and you are not getting your wish. I was the same. I think it’s great that you are going to try and feel better about yourself and keep living. We have to live for the now don’t we, and for our families who we love so much. xx #sharewithme
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