I haven’t been myself lately. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I’ve felt overwhelmed by pretty much everything. I’ve felt lonely and when I have those moments I tend to shut myself away from the world. The polar opposite of what I should be doing. It’s part of the reason I’ve stayed away from the blog.
For the past six months it has felt that everything has been a disappointment. Work has been a bit crap and I stupidly took on too much which meant I was working all evenings, most evenings and it left me exhausted.
With all this I haven’t been the best wife and mum. I’ve been grumpy and snappy and not much fun to be around.
And it makes be annoyed with myself. I know I have so much to be grateful for but it’s hard when you long for something that seems to be just out of your reach.
On Friday the summer holidays started.
For the first time in a long time we went out for dinner as a couple. We go out to eat a lot (my waist line would say probably too much) but as a threesome and when you’re trying to keep a three year old entertained there isn’t much time for adult conversation.
We went to our local and booked ourselves into their restaurant. We ordered some delicious food, we drank a few too many wines and we talked. Properly talked. And I realised how long it had been since we had properly talked. Obviously we do communicate, but it is often about who is doing the shopping and the general day to day stuff but I couldn’t remember the last time we had really talked about how we were feeling and what the future holds.
The past six months have been some of the hardest we have ever been through as a couple. I’m my own worst enemy as I tend to bury my head in the sand when I’m feeling a bit down. I take the attitude if I don’t think about it, it will go away, when I know that my husband will always make me feel better if I talk about it.
We laughed, I cried, and it was the best night we’d had in a long time.
As we walked the short distance home, hand in hand, it reminded me we are, and always will be, a team and he is always on my side. He will always be fighting my corner, especially when I need him to the most.