Being One Tree

Love is a temporary madness,
it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together
that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness,
it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation of eternal passion.
That is just being “in love” which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches,
they find that they are one tree and not two.

Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres

This was one of the readings at our wedding.  I cried the first time I ever read it and it still brings me to tears today.  For me, this sums up marriage perfectly.

I married my husband five days before the 14th anniversary of the day we met.  We were certainly not in the first flushes of love, that had long passed.  We have had many ups and downs, arguments, break ups, getting back togethers.  The one thing that we discovered over time was that there was nobody else that we wanted to be with, and when you realise that you can make the commitment to build a life together.

A marriage doesn’t survive based on the good times, it can’t.  The good times are great whilst they last , but there will often be something round the corner to bring you crashing down to earth.  This is when you need to have someone to cling onto.

When you are hurting, irrational, unreasonable, lashing out, feeling alone, love is having someone telling you it will all be okay and passing you a large glass of wine.  Someone who is holding you together when you feel like you are falling apart.

And these times will pass, there will be good times again, and you come out the other side stronger, together.  As one tree.

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And then the fun began...
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21 Comments

  1. Life at the Little Wood
    March 24, 2015 / 11:32 am

    Oh Jo, this is so true! Captain Corelli is one of my favourite books, and that passage just perfectly sums up marriage. I haven’t read it in many years, but you have reminded me how beautiful it is! Your words are gorgeous too lovely – you and Mr Notafrumpymum are a bit like Mr M and I, together since forever! Beautiful post xxx

  2. Potty Mouthed Mummy
    March 24, 2015 / 12:39 pm

    Oh Jo this is beautiful! All the sobs, I feel like this often. Hope all is ok my love xx
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  3. March 24, 2015 / 4:27 pm

    Jo, this is a gorgeous post and it made me well up a little bit. I’ve only been with my partner 3 1/2 years but it’s been such a rocky road. I used to compare it to my relationship with my ex-husband which hadn’t had the rocky start but ended with huge heart break. It had all been so ‘fine and dandy’ I was shocked when it all collapsed. Now, with my new partner I feel as though we have fought tooth and nail to be together and that actually means our roots are already twining together. We are strong not despite of our ups and downs but because of them. Mwah xx
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  4. March 24, 2015 / 6:59 pm

    Such beautiful words Jo. I completely agree with what you’ve said. Marriage (or any long term relationship come to think of it) is all about weathering storms. I have a couple of friends heading for divorce at the no, so sad xx #thetruthabout
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  5. March 24, 2015 / 9:34 pm

    Oh that is lovely. I’ve never read that before. I will definitely look it up xx

  6. March 24, 2015 / 10:34 pm

    This is so sweet Jo. I’m really happy that you have such a true soul mate in your life. Thanks for sharing on #thetruthabout X
    Sam recently posted…The Truth about… #20My Profile

  7. March 25, 2015 / 12:51 am

    I’ve never heard that poem before but it was so true. No wonder you chose it for your wedding! I often think about that. Over the years you become family, and the bond you feel is this unbreakable family bond sort of like you’d feel with your own child, or sister, or mother, or whatever. Thanks for this post, it made my day.

    #thetruthabout
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  8. March 25, 2015 / 1:57 pm

    A beautiful reading and your sentiments are so true. It’s only when you walk through the tough times together that a marriage is truly cemented. I’m just realising that afresh right now and it’s good for our relationship. I love my husband more than ever when he’s being my rock and a support in tough times. It’s sometimes the only positive that can come out of a horrible situation. xx
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  9. March 25, 2015 / 2:02 pm

    Love the poem. So touching and so true! Reminds me of Anne Morrow Lindberg’s book “Gift from the sea” where she talks about the impossibility of loving someone all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. You can only expect that in Romantic Love and we all know that’s the kind that doesn’t last. If only we all could learn this early on, that would certainly save a lot of heartaches 😉 #sharewithme.
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  10. March 25, 2015 / 5:37 pm

    I love that book, and in particular that passage, I recognised it as soon as I started to read your post. This is really lovely Jo, and you’re absolutely right x #sharewithme
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  11. March 25, 2015 / 8:26 pm

    I love this passage, its so genuine and true. We had it as a reading at our wedding too. We now have it as a print in our house xx
    A Cosy Cup of Life recently posted…Mums in businessMy Profile

  12. March 27, 2015 / 12:22 pm

    Happy anniversary lovely!!! I love this poem – one my good friends and I were talking about how our idea of love changes so much from when we were young teens to when we become much older and this poem sums it up perfectly. Am going to send it to her!
    Notmyyearoff recently posted…Loud n Proud – Little Life ChangesMy Profile

  13. HonestMum
    March 27, 2015 / 12:44 pm

    Beautiful, true words, so glad I found this post via Potty Mouthed Mummy, gorgeous x
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  14. mummyofboygirltwins
    March 27, 2015 / 5:57 pm

    This is lovely!! Absolutely adore this. So true. Love that reading too. Our relationship (marriage) has changed so much since having the twins – tested to the max, but also closer than ever before. It takes a lot of hard work to keep it alive and fun. Jess x

  15. Jenny
    March 28, 2015 / 9:15 am

    I love that you have so much history and years of love together. What a great passage and I will have to read that book. Heard good things about it. This is so beautiful Jo. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme
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  16. Mummy Whiskers
    March 30, 2015 / 9:02 am

    What a lovely reading, so true too #sharewithme
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  17. March 30, 2015 / 12:28 pm

    What a wonderful reading! I just love it. Great choice. But you are so so right – it’s easy to forget the smaller things and expect it all to be plain sailing xx
    Beth Twinderelmo recently posted…Pink Lining Notting Hill Tote BagMy Profile

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