Here we are my boy, the day before you start school. We’ve been building up to this day for months. Your uniform is hanging neatly in the wardrobe, your hair is freshly cut, your About Me worksheets all filled in.
You’re starting a little later than most of your class, a perk of being one of the older ones of your year. It meant we got a bonus extra week together, a week to cram in as much of you as I could. We had fun didn’t we?
You’re so ready for the next step. You’ve been a little frustrated this week as you couldn’t understand why you had to wait. You’re so keen to get started. I hope this enthusiasm for school never leaves you.
Have I told you lately how proud I am of you? My tiny 5lb baby has grown up into the most wonderful little boy. You’re kind and thoughtful, inquisitive and enthusiastic. I know how eager you are to please people, to get things right, but please don’t let that hold you back from trying if you’re not 100% sure. It’s okay to make mistakes, to get it wrong.
Of course I worry too. I worry about your competitive nature, you won’t always be first. You will need to learn that. I worry about what you will have for lunch and I hope you always have someone to play with at break.
One part of me wants to hold you close and never let you go, to keep you with me as innocent as you are right now. But I know that can’t be. I know I need to let you go, just a little for now.
Tomorrow morning I will smile as I hand you over to the care of someone else. I’m sure there will be tears when I get back home and the house is so much quieter for you not being there. I’ll be wondering what you’re doing, and what you’re eating for lunch. Wondering who you’re playing with and what you’re learning.
I’ll be clock watching until I can come to meet you at your classroom door, eager to know all that you’ve been doing. There won’t be a nursery assistant running through your day, telling me what you’ve had to eat. I’m reliant on what snippets you choose to share.
Since G came along I’ve worried that I haven’t been able to give you the same undivided attention. I’ve sometimes been a bit too grumpy and haven’t always been able to play with you as much as I’d like. It’s been lovely to see you look to your Dad more, to see your bond with him grow even stronger but it was bittersweet. I missed being your go-to girl. But then yesterday, as we filled in your school introduction booklet, one of the questions was what makes you happy. You looked at me with your beautiful blue eyes and simply answered, “You”.
Tomorrow you start a new chapter that I can’t be a part of. I’ll be watching from a distance, waiting to hear all you choose to tell me. Ready to give you cuddles when you’re tired at end of the day, to wipe away tears if something makes you sad. To encourage you when you need your own personal cheering squad.
Good luck sweetheart. Be brave, be kind and remember to enjoy yourself and I’ll be there for you when it’s time to go home.
At the end of the day I will always be there.
I love you more than cups of tea (but you already know that, don’t you?)