To The Boy I Feared I’d Never Meet

A little over a year ago I wrote you a letter, a letter that at the time it broke my heart to write. I can still remember the tears streaming down my face as I tried to put into words the thoughts going round my head as I faced up to the very real possibility that I would never have the chance to know you.

Well as I write this I’m crying again, but for a very different reason. This time the tears are flowing because I can’t believe how lucky I am, and I am so thankful that you are here and in my arms.

From the moment we found out that you were on your way I had thought about the moment when we would first meet. After three years, six months of fertility drugs, an expensive failed round of IVF, and more tears than I thought possible I couldn’t quite believe this was finally happening.

Whilst the pregnancy was tougher than with your brother I didn’t care. The migraines and total exhaustion were worth it. I treasured every movement, every kick and wiggle, knowing that they meant you were safe and growing strong.

It’s a very strange feeling knowing the exact day you will meet your child. As your Daddy and I sat in my little ward cubicle waiting for them to come and get us for my planned section I could feel the excitement building. When the midwife popped her head round to tell us we were good to go the tears pricked at my eyes.  Our dream of having a second child was now just minutes away.

The surgery took longer than expected, scar tissue from the emergency c-section with your brother meant you weren’t that easy to get out. As I lay on the table, feeling the doctors tugging on my body I grew impatient. All I wanted was to see you.

The anaesthetist popped his head over the sheet and told us it wouldn’t be much longer, you were nearly here. Obviously we heard you before we saw you, is it possible to fall in love with someone from a sound? The doctors took you to clean and wrap you up and as they brought you round I caught a glimpse of you in the doctors arms before they laid you on my chest.

You were perfect and in that moment the heartache of the past few years melted away. When your brother was born the overwhelming emotion was relief after a complicated labour but with you it was different. Of course I was in love with you, but on seeing your face for the first time I felt at peace. A feeling that everything had worked out exactly how it should have done. You were always destined to be here, I just needed to have a little more patience.

Thank you for choosing me to be your Mummy, for allowing me to be able to use the plural “my children”.  Thank you for making our family complete.

Love you always,

Mummy

This is my entry into the Tots100/WaterWipes Baby Milestones challenge. The milestone of meeting my second son. 

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9 Comments

  1. June 6, 2016 / 8:59 pm

    Oh Jo what a lovely lovely letter and I’m so happy for you that it’s all worked out so beautifully. I hope you’re all doing really well and soaking up those cuddles. Xx
    Notmyyearoff recently posted…A lovely week in the sunshineMy Profile

  2. June 6, 2016 / 9:35 pm

    Such a beautiful post. I’m so pleased that you got your happy ending – enjoy every single second xx

  3. June 6, 2016 / 9:36 pm

    Oh I have cried reading this. I am so glad he is here. Despite my heartbreak to get my G, I felt so sad when I had him with me at blog on. I knew how much you wanted one. We both have our very special boys now ☺️
    Farmerswifeandmummy recently posted…#MaternityMondays-June 6th, 2016My Profile

  4. June 7, 2016 / 4:24 pm

    Such a gorgeous and heartfelt post!

  5. June 9, 2016 / 7:15 pm

    AWWW Jo congratulations, he is so lovely! I am really happy for you all and hope that you are feeling well and recovering well too. I am sure he is blessing all of your lives x

  6. June 14, 2016 / 10:41 am

    Oh wow, what a truly wonderful post! Beautiful post. I love the line, thank you for choosing me to be your mummy.
    He’s beautiful xx

  7. July 11, 2016 / 1:28 pm

    this is sooo lovely. LOVE that photo x

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